Mother’s Dictionary

APPLE: Nutritious lunchtime dessert which children will trade for cupcakes.

BABY: 1. Dad, when he gets a cold. 2. Mom’s youngest child, even if he’s 42.

BATHROOM: a room used by the entire family, believed by all except Mom to be self-cleaning.

DUST RAGS: See “DAD’S UNDERWEAR.”

EAR: A place where kids store dirt.

EYE: The highly susceptible optic nerve which, according to Mom, can be “put out” by anything from a suction-arrow to a carelessly handled butter knife.

HANDI-WIPES: Pants, shirt-sleeves, drapes, etc.

HEARSAY: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.

See Mother’s Dictionary for more definitions.